National or Labour? Green or New Zealand First? Maori or United Future?
Regardless of the political party you choose to support, there are policies to which those parties stand for and stick to. It’s a party’s policies that give them their identity and set them apart from the rest. The same goes for dating…
Without setting some basic policies for yourself, you are at risk of portraying a false image of yourself and losing sight of your desired outcome: finding that special someone.
Having a set of guidelines is particularly important on your first date, as that first and lasting impression you make will determine whether you go on a second.
Be sure to:
- Maintain information boundaries. Naturally, you will want to share as much information to showcase to your date that you’re a catch, but you don’t want to be an “open book” on a first date. Personal information is better shared later when foundations of trust and intimacy have been established.
- Create a balance between the two “I’s”. Your “I” is aiming for a peek into your date’s “I” to determine the possibility of a second date. Listen to your date and show interest. Likewise, bring yourself honestly to the table by sharing what you want your date to know about you. It’s important to be mindful that your inquiries could prompt your date to ask the same of you, so try not to ask a question you wouldn’t be willing to answer.
- Be authentic and real. You’re asking (and anticipating) honesty and some level of transparency from your date, to which you should offer the same.
- Reveal your strengths, not your weaknesses. People want to see what’s good about a potential partner, so make sure you do yourself justice. It’s okay to sell your positives, just as long as you don’t seem boastful.
- Be polite and considerate. Nothing will kill a date faster than rudeness. Remember, if you’re expecting your date to conduct themselves in a certain manner, you should exhibit that same behaviour in return.
Avoid any urges to:
- Talk about your ex(es). It’s best not to resurrect the wrongs of your past relationships because you can inadvertently reflect light on possible previous mistakes. Besides, you are meant to be moving forward!
- Mention your finances. You want your date to get to know your personality, beliefs and values, and in turn, find attractiveness in them, not your income earning potential.
- Discuss health issues and physical ailments. That will land you in the “problem child” category. Everyone has issues of their own, and a first date is not the place to air them.
- Talk about how miserable and lonely you are. That’s a huge turn-off and should be kept between you and your therapist or trusted friend. Not to mention, you run the risk of appearing desperate or looking for a relationship for the wrong reasons.
- Discuss the following topics: special diets and arrest records. Need I say more?
Don’t attend your date as a victim; rather, you should take charge of your first date and present yourself as a desirable individual. Share what is good and positive about you and your life and be open to learning all you can about your date.
Keep in mind that a date isn’t a one-sided affair, so it’s important to be honest about what kind of partner you’re looking for while also demonstrating the kind of partner you can be.